Annoying Characters at Christmas Fairs

Rachael Hand
Dec 15, 2024
5 min read

Updated: Mar 13

For me, as well as being the ONLY month to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas, November is also the season of Christmas fairs and festive markets. For years, me, my mum, and my aunt have paid £20 each per month into a Christmas fair fund (Monzo savings pot) throughout the year, to set us up with a good chunk of spending money each November, when the Christmas fairs kick off.

As veterans of this pass time, I can confidently say, that while the venues, the stallholders and the weather may change, the crowds at Christmas fairs definitely don't. There's a lot of groups like us, extended family, shopping together for Christmas gifts, groups of friends, couples - old and new, young families with children - you get the idea. But within those groups there are a few classic Christmas fair characters, some of which to put it bluntly, are bloody annoying!

How many of these Christmas fair characters have you come across?

The Reluctant Dad

Admittedly I am starting off soft here. The reluctant dad is not one of the annoying characters, more just a common sight. You'll spot this type, usually waiting on the sidelines somewhere, out of the main throng, potentially surrounded by shopping bags, standing by the abandoned pram, while everyone else goes off and peruses possible purchases. He's not typically happy about the job either. So expect bored expressions, endless doom scrolling, maybe a few time checks and even from time to time, an optimistic jingle of the car keys. If he's smart, he might have wangled himself a hot drink and a festive treat to ease the pain.

The Instagram "Star"

Now this is one of the more annoying Christmas fair characters IMO, and it's nothing to do with their Instagram aspirations either. I work in marketing, I get it, content is king. What is annoying, is being in an already crowded space (which gives me the heebeejeebies on a good day), and then this aspiring Instagram star stops dead in front of me, without warning, to take not just one photo, but several photos of who knows what!

You'll also typically spot these types hogging all of the Instagram hotspots in the venue, with pose after pose after pose being photographed, edited and posted right there and then, while families with kids wait anxiously (and endlessly) for their turn next. For these characters, the Christmas fair experience is all about creating photo evidence that they were actually there, rather than being present and enjoying the experience. A tell tale sign is the lack of shopping bags they're carrying on the way out!

The Oblivious One

This person, needs very little by way of introduction. You don't just find them at Christmas fairs, any shopping destination will do and I am certain, we've all been annoyed by these characters. They're the ones who wander about, somewhat aimlessly, and completely unaware of the people around them. There are two ways you'll typically notice "the oblivious one", first, they'll just straight up walk into you because they're just not paying any attention.

Second, you'll walk into them because they suddenly and without warning just stepped across your path. Other common traits of "the oblivious one" include walking at an absolutely glacial pace, getting under your feet, seemingly especially when you make an effort to manoeuvre around them (seriously it's uncanny how they manage this) and to be fair, a very friendly and amenable disposition - which is also annoying, because it's completely disarming when you want to express your frustration at encountering them!

The Shoulder Lurker

Possibly my least favourite Christmas fair character next, what I am calling "the shoulder lurker". Now I understand, Christmas fairs are crowded places, and sometimes it's a challenge to get close enough to the stalls to see what's on offer. But usually, in my long standing experience, a little bit of patience goes a long way, and a top tip is to do at least two laps of the venue. That way if a stall is crowded or busy on the first pass, you can always revisit it on a second pass in the hopes you might catch it at a quieter time.

The shoulder lurker does not share this philosophy of patience, and nor do they practice my top tip. Instead, they'll lurk uncomfortably close to you, hanging over your shoulder and hustling you along so they can get in and see whats for sale, simply by making you feel so uncomfortable with their close proximity, so much so that you bail on the whole thing and give up your place at the stall. This is when the shoulder lurker strikes and you're left wondering if they'd be in your grave as quick! You won't so much notice the shoulder lurker as feel them.

The "Main Character" (and sidekick)

This Christmas fair character can sometimes overlap with the aforementioned Instagram "star", although there are some subtle differences. The main character, is exactly that, at least in their own perception. They're the centre of everything and the main character in the "performance" of life. You and I are mere extras, to be seen, not heard and to most-definitely not get in the way.

This character is often recognisable by the presence of a long-suffering sidekick, on hand to meet their every need, from taking their photo, to basic fetching and carrying duties. They're loud, proud and take up all the available space with an obnoxiously large designer handbag. They are the self-engineered centre of everything, that creates at best low level and at worst bald-faced drama wherever they go. And of course, they have absolutely no perception of how annoying they are to the rest of us, because after all, we don't matter much...

Bonus character: The Wannabe Stall-holder

Putting my crafters hat on now and reminiscing about my time holding stalls at fairs... there is one other Christmas fair character that makes the annoying list and that's the wannabe stall-holder. You'll spot, or more accurately hear these ones by overhearing sound bites such as: "I could make that", "That looks easy", "Oh how lovely, I bet I could do that", "Hobbycraft do kits like that" and other similar remarks as they peruse the items on offer. Now speaking for my own makes, I get it, if you're creative, you probably can draw inspiration from what I've created and have a go yourself and that's amazing. But given the time, effort, hard work and care that goes into holding a stall at Christmas markets, the polite thing would be to not point it out in front of everyone...